In Which I Describe the Info Desk Trifecta.

If you're a retail employee, here's a very simple game you can play to make the day pass quicker. You can even create betting pools amongst the staff.

The object is to answer as many questions as you can without moving from your position. Now, at my store, this is a hard game to play, because we are required to take the customer to the section and put the book in their hand. But there is no obligation to lead them to the bathroom, cafe or first and second floors, you can simply point the way.

The basic unit is the Trifecta. In order to score any points, you must answer three questions in a row without moving. If you get two questions about the cafe and one that requires you to leave the desk, you start over. Conservation of words is just as important as conservation of movement. For example, if a customer asks where DVD's are and your reply is "the first floor," that counts. If you have to describe where on the 2nd floor a certain book or section is, that does not count.

A simple Trifecta is worth 5 points. A Trifecta is worth double the points if it consists of the same three questions, such as three questions in a row about the location of the bathroom.

You also get double the points if a customer is so stupid that, after you answer their question, they turn in the direction you pointed and ask you the same question again. If they ask a third time, you get 10 bonus frustration points.

20 bonus frustration points are awarded if, when you direct a customer to pay on the first floor, they either snottily point out that the sign at 3rd floor cashwrap says "Main Cashier" or gripe about having to pay on the same floor where the exit doors are. I guess some people want to pay upstairs and then take a zip line out the window.

If you get four questions in a row, you get triple points. Five questions is six times the points. Six questions in a row is statistically possible, but so unlikely that if it happens, you're the automatic winner for the day.

If a customer comes back to the desk and tells you that they could not find the first floor (true story) you are automatically awarded all points garnered by all players on that day.

If you're playing under Marquess of Queensberry rules, only questions about the cafe or the bathroom count in the Trifecta total. You can still earn frustration bonus points, but they are worth half the value.